The inevitable challenge to your commitment

I cried today because my yoga teacher is going on sabbatical. It was her last class.

It seems ridiculous, I know. It FEELS ridiculous. (The crying, that is. Not the sabbatical.)

But my practice was hard-freaking-won. I’m picky AF when it comes to yoga instructors, and her approach, her tone, her focus were a key part of my path back to a practice I now rely heavily upon.

So it is a loss. I wonder if my practice will flourish as well in another hands, if my schedule will have to change (again), if I’ll abandon it just like I did 12 years ago when another beloved instructor quit teaching.

It brings up so much questioning about my resolve, my commitment, my trust in self.

And also...god-dammit! Right?

I remember those moments when my babies were little and my husband and I would research and strategize and adjust and tweak to meet their needs around napping schedule, or bedtime routines, or the way you held them when they ate - and just as we were settling in, just as we were congratulating ourselves on figuring it all out - things would change again.

It feels like just when you’ve got it down, something’s got to swoop in and screw it all up.

A client this week reported back on her commitment to getting back to barre, where she feels awesome and strong. She made it to two classes in her first week, and then proceeded to break BOTH little toes in two totally different incidents.

After the first 10 days of successfully waking in the wee hours of the morning to meditate before my kids woke up, my son toddled out just as I closed my eyes. That day, and every day after that.

In the weeks following my decision to pivot away from nonprofit consulting into coaching, I had more calls than ever before from clients looking for an experienced fundraiser.

This happens all. the. time. You commit, and it feels like there’s almost an immediate challenge to your commitment.

You claim to have found your way back to your practice, Katherine. Have you really? Are you committed?

And to what?

To your teacher? To the schedule? To the studio? To the activity you have chosen, be it yoga, or barre, or meditation, or the kind of work you do?

Or are you committed to yourself?

95% of this work - that I do in my own life as a business owner and with my clients - is about staying with ourselves.

It’s not the how to, or the to-do, or the strategy, or even the measurable goal.

It’s staying with the WHY of each one of those things. And that can only come from a deep, unwavering commitment to self.

Each class, my yoga teacher says the date. She states it as a reminder that each day we are different from the day before. Greet yourself today. How are you today? What do you need today? What do you want to bring to yourself today?

In the beginning of my practice, the answer was always simply: stay.

That might mean something new to me in the weeks to come, to the person I am today. But I will.

I will stay.

******

From here on out, I’m going to take these so-called challenges to my commitment, as a sign that I’m ON to something good. What are you on to that’s getting challenged?