Why I hide what I create.

I have a pattern that, if I let it (and I sometimes do), can set me pretty far back.

I bring a project almost, perhaps even to completion, and then abandon it.

Evidenced by the many 98% knitted sweaters and sewn clothes, the unfinished home projects, but perhaps most painfully, by the countless drafted, revised, prepared for distribution pieces that I held back at the last moment.

I lose interest.
I decide it’s irrelevant. 
It feels too personal, and not professionally-oriented (whatever that means, brain.)
I convince myself I need to do more research. That I don’t know enough on the topic. Or it’s been said before by someone far more eloquent and knowledgeable than me.

It’s like I have an impulse to buy a gift for a friend. I imagine that gift in my mind’s eye and go out looking for it, going from shop to shop until I find the perfect thing. I bring it home, lovingly wrap it and leave it on my front hall table awaiting delivery to my friend.

And there it stays.

Waiting for the perfect moment, perhaps? Until it falls into a drawer one day as I’m cleaning and is forgotten.

(Confession: I have done that too.)

This is my pattern.

It feels silly and simple and ridiculous when I look at it in this light.
In another, it feels deep and dark and sticky,
like a huge hole I’ll never climb out of.

This is something I do with my art.
This is something I do with my heart.

This is a pattern of mine.
What’s yours? 

Identifying your patterns is the first step to choosing new ones.
Ones that put your work and self out in the world in the way you envision. 

You can schedule a clarity call with me here: https://kjtcoaching.as.me/CreateClarity