Relinquishing Control

This month (cough, cough year) has been a powerful lesson in relinquishing control.
So, we’re buying a house. I knew intuitively that overall, things would work out. And I can even playact this state of mind outwardly, by saying things like “It will be exactly as it needs to be” at parties and playdates. These are the statements I make to friends and acquaintances, as I showcase my easy breeze self. While simultaneously and secretly activating the strongest control mode I can psychically manage.
Oh, the work that comes with that. In mind and body, it's completely exhausting. I have lost more sleep from stress in the past two weeks than I have in the past year. I have had nightmares. I have been anxious, overwrought, spending my days wringing my hands and generally freaking the F out.
We choose how we want to get from point A to point B.
We are going to end up at point B, no matter how we decide to get there. We can do it with an easy breezy state of mind, or a handwringing, nightmare having, freaking the F out state of mind.
Clearly, I chose the latter.

Here’s the story:

The market is pretty competitive where we are buying. So houses are moving super fast. And we had a short time frame to buy because our home in Brooklyn is sold and we are moving end of summer, whether we have a new home or not. In 45 days.

After looking at dozens of houses, we found House #1, which could work but needed work. We put an offer on it and lost the bid. Okay, no problem. Wasn’t meant to be.

Found the Perfect Home. For us. Great size, great location, great price. This was our home. I knew it – in my heart, in my soul, in my whole being. Put an offer on it. Certain we were going to get it. Lost the bid. We were devastated.

I became frantic.

The next week was filled with searching for hours online, visiting eleven houses in two days, discussing and putting in offers on houses that were great but not quite right, hoping we would get them, hoping we wouldn’t, endless number crunching, sleepless nights, panic, freak out, anxiety.

My agent calls with an update. I listen, holding my breath, to hear my family’s fate.

Perfect Home – the one we had lost just a bit ago to other bidders – was now ours if we want it.

Point A: Looking for a home. Point B: Perfect Home ours. 

Here is a list of the things that contributed to getting to Point B:

1.     Knowing what we want
2.     Trusting that it will come
3.     Listening to intuition
4.     Making decisions that felt in line with #’s 1, 2 and 3.

Here is a list of the things that did NOT:

1.     Freaking out
2.     Endless number crunching
3.     Hours of searching online
4.     Thinking of all the things that could go wrong
4.     Anxiety, sleeplessness, panic

One of these lists feels good, one does not. List #1 leaves me clear, calm and energized. List #2 keeps me frazzled, unfocused and drained.  

I often convince myself that I need to stranglehold the things in my life to get them where I want them to be. That if I don’t have a level of control on every single little thing, that no progress is going to be made.

When in reality, true progress comes when I get clear on what I want, step back and trust. When I lay off my kids and calmly and kindly speak to them about what I would like to see from them. When I ease up on my expectations of my business and take stock of how far I’ve come and how excited I am to see what will happen next. When I get clarity on my goals and then do one small thing to move me towards that direction. When I stop trying to do what I think I should and start doing what I really truly want.

This is true of the creative process too. We know this as creators, artists and makers. At some point, we need to step out of the way and allow the work to become what it wants to become. When we stranglehold our creations, we halt or seriously slow their becoming. Perhaps this relinquishing of control is something that you are familiar with in one aspect of your life, but struggle with in another. How can you take that same feeling and process, and apply it where it can also serve you well? 

So, my loves, what are you trying to control? Where in your life are you experiencing the exhaustion and drain of List #2? What would it feel like to give List #1 a try?

Here's your refresher (and mine, too): 

1.     Get clear on what you want
2.     Trust that it will come
3.     Listen to your intuition
4.     Make decisions and take action in alignment with your desire, trust and intuition.

Onward...with clarity and trust. And more sleep too.